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The Daily Read: Let Independence Be Your Sexiest Trait

She’s made for a boss, and only a boss…


I am very blessed to be able to say that my father has been an influential person and positive role model in my life since before I was even born.  He has always had my well-being and best interest at heart in anything he has ever done. Unfortunately, not everyone can say this.  And for that, I am truly grateful.  One of the most invaluable lessons that he taught me as a child was to always be a strong, independent women. My mother served as a brilliant role model in that respect. So once again, I am truly grateful.

Since I can remember I was taught to always value my independence and self-sufficiency and to never depend on any man. This is not a lesson that was meant to say that men cannot be reliable, because there are many good guys out there who are more than willing to provide for a woman’s every need; rather, I was brought up knowing the significance of being a women who is able to provide for herself — never looking for handouts from her man.

It is due to my own ignorant bliss that I was oblivious to that fact that not everyone was raised by these standards. So I was recently floored to hear of real women who can basically be claimed as a dependent on their men’s taxes because they don’t want to get up and do for themselves.  Now please don’t get me wrong, this is not a debate on traditional values where the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the housewife. Nor is this a debate on being spoiled or specially treated by your man.  Those are completely different chapters.  This is a conversation about women justifying what would be labeled and defined as “lazy”, “mooching,” “bummy,” etc. if it were committed by their male counterpart.

How exactly can you call yourself a “grown woman” if you don’t work for even half of what you receive? How exactly can you call yourself a “good mother” if you don’t even try to obtain a job to provide for your child, but rather depend on the monthly dues from the father to ensure you all “get by?”  What kind of example are you setting? What kind of future are you building a foundation for?

I don’t mean to sound overly judgmental but at some point you all need to look at yourselves in the mirror and start judging, damnit! What are you even passionate about? What motivates you? What wakes you up in the morning? It can’t be putting food on the table for your family because you. don’t. work.  I would even feel better if you were the starving artist (IG model, singer, dancer, etc.) who was “grinding” but at least trying to get ahead in some sense.  But unfortunately all I see are girls posing as women who’s only values are their fresh Brazilian bundles, laid edges, beat faces, and fake-ass relationship goals. I’m sorry but, what exactly are you bringing to any relationship if you don’t have personal goals for yourself? It can’t be much.

I mean, God-forbid you get into an argument with the man you are depending on and he cuts you off…then what? How are you going to bounce back from that one? Please, riddle me that!

Not only do I see a lot of dependent mothers, but I also see a lot of former scholars who have forgotten all they have learned in school and that expensive piece of paper we like to call a degree. What was the point of even going to school if you were going to graduate and depend on someone else’s check? You could have just stayed your ass at home, and given that scholarship money to another deserving scholar, rather than waste it away on dependency.  If your man has it and doesn’t want you to work, cute. But by all means, at least use what you learned in that 8 a.m. Business 100 and help him build an empire — one that you both can prosper in.  You don’t have to be the 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. workaholic, but you should still value the hard work you put into school to use it in order to set up a major win for the future.  I know I busted my ass in school way too hard to just sit there and spectate.

If I ever do end up the housewife without the traditional job, I will make sure I am the best housewife there is! I will make sure everything is taken care of and my family is happy and comfortable.  However, you will also find me with a nice side hustle to be able to make a name for myself, because divorce is real!

So for all the independent women pulling their weight and chasing their dreams, cheers. For the rest of you, it’s time to wake up and smell the work ethic. I’d like to say “no tea, no shade,” but if the shoe fits, chances are you didn’t even pay for it.

Featured image via The Independent

About Spilled Tea (69 Articles)
Life happens.

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