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The Daily Read: How to Survive the “So, What Are We?” Question

So you’ve been “talking” to that special someone for a while now and whether or not you have discussed it, it is very evident based on your actions that you are more than “just friends” or even “friends with benefits” for that matter.  The drunk late nights have turned into coffee in the morning and weekend plans.  You have the WiFi password, you’ve met his friends, you all have been spotted in public together.  Regardless of the extent of your “situationship,” there is room to grow and blossom into a “real”-ationship and you, or your lover are ready for it.

I will not lie to you, the stress will be real. There is a lot riding on this one, single inquiry, but it’s time you had some clarity – you deserve it. Here are some things to consider when approaching the ever-looming “So, what are we?”

1) Be confident in your relationship. Don’t second guess the connection you feel — you’re not crazy, and you are not dreaming — all of romantic, flirtations have occurred.  So, the feelings of wanting more should not feel out-of-line or “random.”

2) Once you ask, don’t expect an immediate answer.  If necessary, give bae some time to think about it – there is nothing wrong with considering all options. It makes for better decision-making and less stress down the road. Don’t feel offended if the response takes a little longer than you expected – some people aren’t as eager to jump into relationships.  At the end of the day, you want the truth – not just what he thinks you want to hear.

3) Be prepared to be disappointed with the response. As previously stated, not everyone is ready for a relationship — sometimes things need to be taken slowly.  Make sure you are in a good place for whatever the outcome may be. Most of the time is it not a reflection of you but where he is in his life that doesn’t really work out with increasing expectations and standards.

4) Determine your next moves and stick to it. If you are okay with the grey area, that’s fine.  If not, that’s fine as well.  You have every right to make decisions that will ensure your own personal happiness.

5) Be honest. If you feel he doesn’t want to lead down the path of relationship but you do, don’t try and water down or ignore your feelings in order to stay in the picture.  If it is clear that you both want different things, it may be time for you to let go and find someone who’s desires are more similar to your own.

6) If you decide to take it to the next level, don’t rush it. Things have been going smoothly up until now which is why you both thought it was a good idea to increase the stakes.  Don’t go overboard and apply extra and unnecessary pressure on the situation. Allow yourself to enjoy the ride just as you did when you two weren’t “exclusive,” “boyfriend/girlfriend,” etc.

7) If you are the one who wants to remain casual but he doesn’t, be honest, yet remain respectfulRejection hurts, but it is a part of life that we all must experience at some point.

8) Do not give ultimatums.  I don’t know a single soul that responds well/positively to ultimatums. Refrain from implying an “all-or-nothing” arrangement.  If either party cannot deal with being “friends” then there should be some type of reconsideration of even being involved in the first place.  Friendships create a solid foundation for any relationship. If you can’t be friends first, then you don’t need them!

About Spilled Tea (69 Articles)
Life happens.

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