Another year over? Oh, here we go…
Congratulations, everyone! If you are reading this read, you survived 2014. Honestly, a lot of good people cannot say the same, and I am so grateful and blessed to still have so much in my life.
That being said, I am not immune to the ain’t shittery of the world. A lot of this happens to come out when people are a little liquored up. There are actually five people you will meet tonight, on this much needed New Year’s Eve. Let me break down who these folks will be…
1.) The Overly Loving Friend
“Guys! GUYS! I love you all so much, you know that right? Like, you know that I love you? I love you more than you know. Oh my God, I fricken’ love you!”
Le sigh…we all have that friend. Once the bottles are open and the libations are flowing, they just love EVERYONE! Don’t be surprised if they go around kissing everyone: girls, guys, dogs, flowers, regrets.
The only way to deal with this person is to kiss them back and stop them from kissing everyone else. Trust me, if they kiss all the people they intend on kissing, they will be a gif in the morning. Don’t let your friends be gifs.
2. ) The Angry Regretter
“Yo, @#$! this year!”
Oh, no. No, no, no. Please do not let your angry drunk friend get too drunk this evening. All that anger that he has had built up all year is about to coming pouring out quicker than the Grey Goose he had in his glass. You will get to hear a lovely negative tirade about all the bad things that have happened this year. Don’t let it happen. Take away his sippy cup and make him watch puppy videos. You’ll thank me later.
3.) The Resolution Maker
“Next year, I am going to be WINNING!”
Kudos to you for planning on making positive change in your life this year, baby girl! No really, I respect the hell out of you for that. But for Yeezus sake, do you have to tell EVERYONE every damn second all your resolutions? Yes, good for you, honey chile, but you have told me twice already that you’re not just saying you’re going to do it, but you’re REALly going to do it! Clap, clap, clap. Yay. Now let me chill, please.
4.) The Resolution Hater
“You know you ain’t changing shit in 2015.”
Why you gotta be so rude?! If someone wants to make positive change, let them do it. Don’t go around bashing people for making resolutions. It ain’t none of your business. Sip your tea. You only have the right to say something if said person is a #3 and won’t stop talking about it. If not, shut up and do you.
5.) The “I’m Only Here for the ‘Gram” -ers
“OMg, take a picture with me!” *fixes hair*
Girl, bye. Don’t be all up in this party being boring and taking fifty-leven selfies and sitting in the corner doing nothing. I know you’re going to post those tomorrow talking about how live the party was. Um, whet? Were you even there? Don’t be this person, please. Put down the phone and enjoy yourself without needing to show everyone how beat your face is.
I’m not going to pretend I am not one of these folks (ahem, #1 anyone?). Let’s all try to be sane and enjoy tonight and pray for an awesome 2015!