Since before Christ, conflicts have started wars, ended friendships, and broken up (once) happy homes. While all conflicts may not be as catastrophic as those rooted in religion or the fight for freedom, they sure do know how to put some tension in the air! Dealing with conflict is never easy and I do not think it never will be. It is pretty hard to get both sides of an argument to see eye-to-eye, especially if there is a lot of emotional attachment to the topic.
With that being said, one thing I feel is necessary to point out is the fact that a lot of conflicts take a turn for the petty because people tend to try and make their own problems a communal situation when in actuality, it has nothing to do with anyone else.
Let’s take dating for example. If you are “seeing” someone and test the waters only to realize that you are not as interested as they would like you to be, then you have every reason to respectfully decline further involvement. As much as it will sting for them, honesty goes a long. With time you are much more respected by them when you are honest about your feelings, or lack there of. The alternative is that you lead them on, building them up for some fantasy that will never happen. Not cool.
So where am I going with this?
The issues tend to occur when people think that it is your problem to mend their broken heart or “fix” their issue in which their only foreseeable solution is you sticking around in hopes for a change of heart. A guilt trip into a relationship should never be the solution. What many fail to realize is that once you have kept it completely honest, your job is done – it is no longer your issue. It is now their duty to take care of themselves and build themselves back up. At the end of the day, you cannot make everyone happy and we have got to stop killing ourselves to do so!
In no-way-shape-or-form are you obligated to making anyone else happy, but yourself. So, stop blurring the lines of responsibility. Now, I’m not saying go out there and just break hearts for fun. That’s ruthless. What I am saying is that if you don’t see things going down a path you desire, you have every right to speak up, cut it off, and move on, without feeling responsible for mending their wounds of disappointment. Fact of the matter is that at some point in life everyone will experience a little heart break. Quite frankly, you may just be the source of it. However, if you were honest and respectful, there should be a mutual understanding that the “post-cut-off” period is no longer your issue. Petty attitudes and fighting matches are completely unnecessary. I mean, feeling hurt is natural; however, no where in your job description does it say you are the repairer of broken hearts. After all, you were simply looking out for yourself and your needs and sometimes we just have to be a little selfish. By all means please have a heart. Do not go throwing it in their face, but it is not your responsibility to stick around to make sure he/she is “okay.” You guys were hardly even “a thing.”
Just imagine what would happen if you were not honest with yourself and kept trying to fuel a flame that would only ever be embers. You end up miserable until you finally got the courage to let-it-go. Ultimately, we must learn to always look out for ourselves, on both sides of any conflict. Recognize that your issues and feelings are nobody else’s responsibility and grab hold of reality. ASAP. Depending on the crutch of someone else is only going to leave you handicapped in the future. And we wouldn’t want any of that now would we?