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The Daily Read: Competitive Dating – Never Let Him Win

When it comes to the dating, I’ve made it pretty obvious in my past articles that I am about as single as a dollar bill.  While single may be my current Facebook relationship status, I have recently found myself involved in what appears to be an adult courtship. Kudos to Maddie for finally acting like an adult!


Within this courtship, we actually go on dates — something that has ceased to exist in our generation.  I will say it is quite refreshing.  So, on one particular date we went bowling.  Now, I won’t say I’m the best bowler out there, but I have pretty solid hand-eye-coordination that allows me to bowl a decent game for an amateur.  I’m also competitive by nature.  Long story short: after all the sh*t-talking was said-and-done, I won.  By a lot.  Each game.  Fair-and-square.

So what is the point of my anecdote?

Specifically speaking to our female audience: it is very important to never fake incompetence or stupidity for the sake of feeding a crush’s ego or making yourself look more “attractive.” We already live in a male dominant society, why fuel the fire and add fake proof to the theory that men are “naturally” more gifted than women. That will only set you up to be the ever-forgiving and silent house-wife that as a young girl you vowed to never be.  Seems a little dramatic? Well, let’s put a few things into perspective because this is an important life lesson for more reasons than your own self-confidence.

1) You need to learn how he deals with defeat.

Life is not all about winning everything you participate in. Quite frankly, you will experience more losses than wins because that is just the way the cookie crumbles, my friend.  If his ego cannot handle a simple loss in bowling, or whatever frivolous competition you all are engaged in, he most definitely will be the sorest of losers throughout life’s many obstacles.  I’ve dealt with the “egotistical macho man” before and it only takes years off your life.  You don’t want to have to deal with the stress of having to cater to his ego every. single. time you turn around or simply want to have a good time.  Boy, bye!

2) There is nothing wrong with you showing your skills, talents, and/or accomplishments.

So I’m a feminist? Shoot me. If you can’t be proud to beat him in something as simple as a bowling match, then where do your future life accomplishments stand? What happens when you make more than he does, or you get a promotion at work? You have every right to be proud of what you are good at and you should not have to pretend out of fear that you will sabotage the relationship you are building with this new love interest.  If he is really interested in you, and everything about you, he will want to experience it all – the wins and losses.

3) You should find some fun in competition.

You should look for a partner that is able to let loose and truly have fun with you outside of the bar and the bedroom.  Drinking and sex is all great but finding an activity where you can blow-off stem and burn energy on something a little more PG-rated reveals a much deeper connection than the surface level sexual attraction. You know, the things that should matter when looking for someone who will stick around after the waters from your fountain of youth have run dry.  At the end of the day, it is just a game, there should be no sore losers nor any obnoxious winners.


So let’s face it ladies, we are now all arriving at that point in our lives where our time is more valuable than ever. Wasting your time on a man who can’t take stand the thought of you beating him at anything because he feels it compromises his sense masculinity is just silly.  Learn to be confident in all aspects of yourself – not just those that you think he is attracted to.  Ultimately, you are who you are and if he cannot accept it then he just is not the one for you!

About Spilled Tea (69 Articles)
Life happens.

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