We live in a world where suppression is the best policy.
Whether it be through clothing, behavior (or misbehavior *peers over reading glasses*), or just plain ol’ feelings, society has taught us that suppressing what you feel and think is the best way to move about some of life’s most tense situations.
Trust me when I say I understand that it’s not always easy to talk about your issues, whether it be personal or interpersonal. If however you find that you can’t find the most eloquent of words to express what’s on your mind, use the following steps and I’m sure that whoever is in your immediate circle (and your mind) will thank you for it later.
1.) Identify the problem.
You know how they say “the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem”? Well, it’s absolutely true. There’s no way you can get through fixing your problem of communicating openly without first admitting that you actually one. Is it a family issue? Is it a personal feeling of unease? A problem with a friend? Locate whatever the issue is that is plugging up your aura so this way, you can work towards rectifying the issue at hand.
2.) Talk about the problem, respectfully.
Once you’ve found the problem, find a way to talk it. A lot of times when we hold on to problems, we let it fester internally until you are unable to keep it inside any longer; erupting like a volcano on (usually) the wrong person. As we’re on the bumpy road of being better adults, learning that how you say something no matter how you may feel at the moment is the most important aspect to any form of communication that you engage in. Be blunt if you must, but always remain respectful and keep your temper in check. Blowing up on someone and staving the consequences until later is never effective.
3.) Put the problem in the past.
This is a biggie. We tend to hold on to issues that plagued us for so long that we have finally resolved them, we can’t let them go. Once you’ve done the above steps, resolve it in your mind that you’ve done all you can do to resolve the problem, and therefore have no more space for it in your mental capacity. Holding on to grudges and resentment towards a person or situation is nowhere near the fruitful to your well being, and will create even bigger problems for you in the future.
Person: “Nah, nah it’s cool. I’m good. Nothing’s wrong.”
*6 days later*
Most of you are looking at me like “girl…what you know about anything?” and trust me when I say that I’m not looking down on anyone because I’m still figuring out myself. Speaking from personal experience, I used to be one that communicated a little too expressively; and now after experiencing many instances where my communication tactics have failed and being in my mid-twenties (Lord have mercy, did I just say that?) I’ve realized that I may not communicate about a problem enough anymore. Jumping through emotional extremities is not the business, and can reek havoc on even the most stable of relationships. The best policy I’ve learned is to say what you feel about whatever it is that’s bothering you and work your way through it. Most people are understanding to whatever you issue is, and will do what it takes to help you through a situation whenever you need it.
Your assignment for the rest of the week is to do your best to break the mold of suppression and open up your lines of communication. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I promise your spirit will thank you for it.