You only exchanged numbers, not wedding vows!
My life as a single woman has been a very interesting to say the least. I have my string of good days where I feel like I can conquer the world by myself, and then I have my fair-share of days where I feel as though I’m going to die alone — dramatic, I know. Regardless of what kind of day I’m having, overall I’ve learned a lot about the value of alone time and embracing your singleness.
One of the most important lessons I’ve taken away from my stint of singledom is that not everyone is going to be worth your time and energy. Now, initially this sounds really selfish and rude; however, hear me out for a minute… Think of all of the times you have gone to a party, exchanged numbers with someone you met and thought was worthwhile in your drunken stupor, and then later-down-the-road, realized that this hopeless connection was never meant to go anywhere. When you truly sit and think about it, this happens quite often because a lot of us, myself included, immediately feel guilty if we don’t give every potential suitor what we think is a fair chance. Really, it’s just a delusional extended period of time for a test they will ultimately fail — but it was nice in theory.
If you think I’m being harsh, just scroll through your list of contacts and then scroll through the text threads that currently exist or even the “unread message”… I’m pretty sure your contact list is much longer than the people you actually keep in contact. Initially, you may have responded to a few lusty texts from the random party-goer, but after a week of awkward messages and forced conversation, you started to roll-your-eyes every time their name popped up on your screen. Your responses became dry and less inviting, and before you knew it you stop responding all-together. Now, I will admit that I cannot stand it when people just play “Casper” and just disappear; however, I save that genuine frustration for people I’ve created connections with beyond a wild party. Quite frankly, I really don’t see a problem with drifting away from people you don’t feel a connection with, nor attracted to for that matter. Does that make me rude? Or even a bitch? Ehh… I think it’s all relative to your perspective.
If I’ve given it a fair shot and I didn’t feel a spark, I’m going to call a spade-a-spade and keep it moving. There is really no need for me to force room in my schedule for people I really don’t feel like talking to in the first place. Ultimately, I think everyone is entitled to this type of conscious decision. Sometimes you have to stop trying to cater to everyone else’s feelings and put yourself first. Our generation’s definition of this act of “curving” makes it feel so cold; however, how are you supposed to find the one if you keep giving everyone that shows interest 100% of your time?
I see this chapter of my life as extremely experimental which means I will accept invitations to places I’ve never been, and talk to people I normally wouldn’t look at. But at the end of the day if I don’t see it being conducive to my overall happiness – even on a platonic-level – you better believe, it will be just another image in the rear-view mirror because I only have time and energy to moving forward. So I will reiterate: Stop getting so deeply invested in people you see unfit for your life — not every love-interest and/or crush is meant to be the person who is destined to meet you at the altar.