Having someone cheat on you sucks! Believe me, I know..
I recently came across an article titled, “The Logic of Cheaters & The Women Who Love Them”. As someone who has experienced the heartache of being cheated on, the article struck an emotional chord almost immediately. Lexi, the creative mind behind the post, hit the nail on the head! Her breakdown of the scenarios and logic of cheaters trying to dodge the bullet of being held responsible for their unfaithful actions was beyond accurate! Then her descriptions of the women who are involved with the cheating men was just…let’s just say Lexi gets it!
With such inspiration, I had a calling to write a post that served as a follow-up to Lexi’s discussion. Being the woman who stays with her cheating man takes A LOT of energy – but
some many women still do it. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t stick around for a while after I knew good-and-well what was going on. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way until we have finally had enough! Everyone’s limits are varied and people deal with their emotions differently; however, the recovery process after getting cheated on should always be healthy. Here are a few tips that I feel are helpful when bouncing back from such trauma.
Image via (chiefwang)
1) The “Woe is Me” Pity Parties don’t get you anywhere.
Stop feeling bad for yourself. Your pity party, population of one is only going to make you feel worse about the situation. Being sad is natural. I mean, you just experienced huge heartache. However, sitting around and sulking will NEVER make you feel better. Unfortunately you are not the first, and you will not be the last person to ever be cheated on. Find ways to distract attention from your misery and have some fun with your friends!
2) Do not dwell on the details.
He cheated. You guys broke up. End of story. Obsessing over the details of his deception is only pouring salt on the wound. You don’t need to know the days, times and/or places because at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that he was unfaithful. Period. You are only dragging yourself through the mud if you try discovering more about the affair. While he’s sleeping like a baby – probably with her – you are tossing and turning over the details of when they met and how the affair initiated. Just let it go.
3) Do not stalk their social media accounts.
Stalking his social media to see how he is reacting after you’ve left him is only going to make you feel like sh*t. More than likely he is doing just fine! This person did not give a damn about you when they were with you and messing around behind your back, so what makes you think they will think twice about your feelings after the fact? Do not set yourself up for disappointment and add fuel to your bonfire of a pity party by expecting sappy subtweets about how “regretful” he is and how much he “misses you”… it’s not going to happen.
4) Do not blame yourself.
No matter what, you are not to be held responsible for his cheating. Yes, you guys may have hit a rough patch. And yes, he probably had a lot of doubts regarding the relationship. However, those are reasons to simply end a relationship – not hold onto it and have an affair on the side. You did not make him cheat; therefore, you are not to blame. Do not allow any of his excuses for cheating to make you the culprit. It is not and was never a reflection of you, yet always a reflection of his true character and respect for you. It is easy to think “if I had only done something differently than…” However, if his character is to be a deceitful and selfish person, he was going to cheat regardless.
5) Take some time to be alone.
Please do not go searching for your next lover immediately after you break-up. You may want to act tough, but you are still hurting. It is not fair to the next guy for you to bring such fresh wounds and baggage into a new situation. Its fine to go on dates and explore different options but trying to heal pain with a new relationship isn’t really healing. It’s like putting a Bandaid on a gash that needs stitches – that Bandaid is extremely temporary and it is only a matter of [short] time when your gash will be revealed and bleeding again. Taking time for yourself is healthy and will give you a better perspective for your next life moves. You never know, this could have been the push you needed to accept that job offer across the country and start fresh! Always remember the best revenge is success!
6) You are only a little cracked, not broken.
Yes, this is going to be difficult to get over emotionally. But this is NOT the end of the world. Just because this relationship ended badly, doesn’t mean you have nothing else to live for or your love-life is eternally doomed. I know it feels really intense right now, however it is only a matter of time before you will be able to look back and realize how much you’ve learned from the situation. If you don’t take anything else from this hurt, make sure you see it as a learning experience. You now have the material required to create standards for your next lover. You are also well-equipped with the wisdom to know the signs and character traits of someone who doesn’t respect committed and exclusive relationships. And ultimately, you know how to protect yourself.
I’m not telling you to cut yourself off from love, and I’m definitely not saying that this will never happen again – but this experience has made you stronger and wiser and more ready than ever for your future endeavors. You may be a little cracked – we all are – but you are not broken!
Image via (http://imgur.com/4GIlWoJ)