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Just For Fun: Having Names for Your Children —- That Have Not Yet Been Conceived

I have had my kids names picked out since I was in high school. I’m not going to divulge what they are, out of fear that one of you will steal it and claim it, and your kid will become famous and my kid won’t be shit.

Anywho, many people think it’s a little crazy to have kids’ names picked out before you even have hopes of conception. Even more people find it crazy if you and your significant other of less than one year have mutually agreed on your probably-not-gonna-happen kids’ names. I am here to tell you why this is NOT crazy and does NOT mean you are a stage-1 clinger.

1. It helps you to make good choices.

It’s one thing to eff up your life and have no one to answer to but yourself. It’s another thing to make bad choices and have little Maria on the mind. Think about it: you will make more sound decisions when you can picture Xavier instead of some no-name kid who means nothing to you.

2. There is less of a chance of stress-induced labor if the kid ever shows.

Let’s be honest: At least two-thirds of you will end up having kids without meaning to. I am not here to judge because thangs happen. Now, wouldn’t it take off a lot of stress during that spontaneous pregnancy if the name is already picked out? Then, you won’t be so stressed about naming the kid that you or your partner gave birth early in the chips aisle at Target, and has to call an ambulance that arrives after your baby is already born and wrapped up in Cheetos packaging. Horrible thought, right? I bet you’re thinking of names as we speak.

3. You’ll probably like the kid a little.

Piggybacking off of #2, most pregnancies aren’t planned, right? So when you get that special surprise on a pee stick, you will have one of two reactions: a) Oh shit, this baby is going to ruin everything or b) Yay, it’s Cecily! I knew you were coming someday! Isn’t the second response so much nicer? Name your baby now or you might not like it later.

baby 1

Those are just three of the numerous reasons to start reading that name dictionary. Hop on it now, before you end up pregnant. It could happen to anyone.


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