“When you close the door on something the only reason you should be looking back is to make sure it is locked!”
– Spilled Tea
The other day I got a text from my ex that read, “Just wanted to say what’s up. I’ve been thinking about you and hope all is well.” Now with the amount of break-ups and make-ups we’ve had over our five years, my 19 year old self would have replied with an emotional or super bitchy response that would have revealed to him that he was still an important part of my life. However, so much has changed and I have come into my own where that text was simply met with an extensive eyeroll and I kept about my life as if it had never entered my inbox. To be completely honest, if it weren’t for the undeleted previous messages, I would have never know who it was coming from because his contact information was completely deleted from my phone. The previous thread helped me narrow down the sender of said message from the random phone number.
If you are anything like me you are the definition of a “ride-or-die”. When we love, we love hard and whole-heartedly. In our moments of being completely lost in the idea of romance, we have the ability to lose sight and our firm grip of reality. Quite frankly, this can happen to anyone who allows it. I’m not saying falling madly in love is a bad thing – it’s quite beautiful. However, falling headlessly in love is when things get dangerous because we start to make the wrong things priorities – especially for the wrong people. The wrong people being those who take advantage of our naive hearts and steal love that they do not deserve. And we sit there, wondering why we are so miserable after being so “strong”. With the constant reassurance from our minds telling us that “things will get better”, we can’t seem to stop the self-induced vicious cycle.
For years I used to measure my strength on how long I could put up with his blatant lies and disrespect. In retrospect, I call that period of my life the “Matrix years” because I was completely caught in a completely different dimension that I believed was real. I was the embodiment of being blinded by love. However, recently I’ve smartened up and opened my eyes to the facts: while it may take persistence to stick around for the everlasting rides on the Emotional Rollercoaster; the real strength comes when you decide to leave the bullsh*t behind and never look back.
In all honestly, I really don’t miss him. Granted, it has taken me dozens of break-ups to get to this point but I’ve officially hit the place of no return. Every time I think back to our years together I just think of the lies he told, the excuses I made, the tears I cried and the sheer anger I had towards him.
The truth of the matter is that throughout life, we will experience tons of heartbreaks and heartaches. Nobody’s perfect. However, true love shouldn’t hurt! Yes, serious relationships take effort but, being with someone should not be a second full-time job – especially one in which you are the only one working!
Often times the term “loyalty” gets thrown into the countless arguments that pull on our heartstrings because we are being manipulated into thinking that if we actually look out for ourselves and move on, we weren’t being the devoted love slaves they wanted us to be. When in reality, its the reverse. We have been nothing but loyal and have genuinely betrayed ourselves by consistently neglecting our needs. Yes, there will be compromises within relationships. However, when the compromises turn to sacrifices, of which only one party is familiar with – Hunny, its time to reevaluate!
That’s when the concept of strength needs to be consciously redefined. Knowing you deserve better and being proactive about finding better does not make you weak nor disloyal. It makes you an inspiration for all those who have yet to find their way and more specifically, those who haven’t yet had enough! Because one thing’s for sure with people who love hard: when we let go, we let go for good. That door is locked!